Blogged Down

College "Drop-Out"

Yeayeawendy — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 11:23:15 GMT

(11 October 2001, Tennessee) Eight freshman college students were hanging around a vacant library late one night, when they decided it would be a thrill to leap into a small opening they thought was a laundry chute.

Perhaps a few more years of college would have helped them realize that libraries don't have laundry chutes. It was actually a garbage chute feeding directly into an automatic trash compactor. 19-year-old Wesley "Crusher" was the first to jump. He enjoyed an exhilarating three-story slide before being crushed to death in the rubbish bin below.

The other students decided not to follow.

Right Up the Old Tail-Pipe

Yeayeawendy — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:32:32 GMT

(21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor, well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation.

The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!

When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.

The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%.

In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

Wide-ranging Slashdot Discussion in which we learn that alcohol enemas are all around us! Apparently the alcohol absorbs more quickly through the capillary beds of the rectum, a fact exploited by many party animals."

Now, Thats Justice - Dog-gonnit!

Yeayeawendy — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:26:43 GMT

(2 February 2008, New York) A 50-year-old man was bird hunting in Upstate New York with his buddies and his faithful canine companion. They stopped for a smoke, and his dog found a deer leg bone!

The man tried to take the bone away, but like any right thinking dog, the animal would not relinquish its treasure. He stayed just out of reach. Frustrated with this blatant show of disobedience, the man grabbed his loaded shotgun by the muzzle and began wielding it like a club. Each time he swung it, the dog dodged.

Suddenly the "club" struck the ground and fired, shooting the man in the abdomen. He was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where he died from his injuries. He did remain conscious long enough to confirm this account to police; otherwise, his poor friends might now be under suspicion!

At least he didn't hit the dog.

Car Vs. Train - Vs. Man

Yeayeawendy — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:15:32 GMT

(July 16, 2008, Italy) Ivece Plattner, 68, was queued at a traffic light in his Porsche Cayenne sportscar. Before one reaches the light, there is a railroad crossing. As you might imagine, given Murphy's law, a train was coming.

The man did not let the queue progress forward far enough before he crossed the railroad. The safety bars came down, leaving the Porsche trapped on the rails. It took the driver awhile to realize he was stuck, according to witnesses. Finally, he jumped from the car and started to run -- toward the oncoming train, waving his arms in an attempt to save his car!

The attempt was successful. The car received less damage than its owner. He was pushed hard enough to land 30 meters away, and attempts to revive him were unsuccessful.

The moral of the story? Momentum always wins.

It's Okay to Giggle

Yeayeawendy — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:13:21 GMT

The Darwin Awards have given us a reason to giggle - its okay - just snicker in silence if you must!